If I had $100…

My youngest brought home a picture he colored. It was “If I had $100…” he wrote “I’d buy a jet!” and drew a picture of a plane.

I couldn’t stop laughing.   I always try to approach life like my little dude.  He is pure unadulterated joy (unless he’s pure unadulterated grumple-stiltskin) It just made me think how easy it should be to be a kid.  While I waste my time worrying about paying for x, y, or z, my kid believes he can buy a jet for less than my electric bill.  My son seems to think he can fly, as I saw him start climbing out of a second story window in that attempt.

My youngest, I think, is the most like me.  He looks around and just seems to think, I don’t care, I’m going to do my own thing.  He jumps around, break dances, and karate kicks to his own beat. When I took the kids hiking, they were jumping from boulder to boulder, grinning madly.  I’m not a perfect mom, but I try to cultivate experiences and a life for them that nurtures happiness, creativity, and love.  I force them to be bored A LOT.

The word choice has been giving me so much comfort lately.  I cannot “give” my kids happiness, and I think most Facebook posts/parenting articles place undue burden on parents that they are the sole source of everything for their kids.  What if my kids chose, instead, during the hike to sit on the ground and demand an iPhone? They chose to be miserable the entire hike?  My oldest fell in the water, and hiked up a mountain soaking wet with a grin on his face.

When I doubt everything in my life, when I doubt my very existence, I see 3 smiling kids, and I know that my kids are growing up differently, and that is a very good thing.  Instead of focusing on failing them as far as my marriage, I am retraining myself to realize the incredible lesson I have taught them.  They see, constantly, their Dad and I working to be respectful, kind, and forgiving.  They see us fight, because we make mistakes.  They see us stop, apologize, and speak kindly.  They saw us punch each other, and now they see us hug, laugh, and smile.  They see that their parents have boundless forgiveness and love.  They hear and see “Guys, we’re different, and different is not bad.”  They see me stand up for myself and be assertive, where before I was aggressive or passive aggressive.  They see change.  They see my example.  No amount of stimulation, structured play, or apps on a iPhone can teach them what a good example can.  I fully believe my kid will buy a jet one day, because I have no doubt in my mind that my kids change the world.  They change mine, every moment of every day.

That perspective makes it very easy to forget all the times I lie to myself and say “I’m failing you” and it also tells my perfectionist distorted nature to take a hike.

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38 thoughts on “If I had $100…

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  1. Oh ! I so love the picture. Can’t stop looking at it. So adorable.kids are a blessing. They make life refreshing , if you are a parent , you never really grow old , that’s what me thinks. If you gotta enjoy the children , you gotta be one , you shared this awesome post with us, thank you for that Dana. Love ❤️ you for this. Kisseys for the kids. And a big hug to their mama.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. 😊 thank you Yassy!!!! I will certainly give the kisses and thank you for your kind words!!! My kids are the best parts of me – split into three. It’s not easy, but when I sit back and remind myself that if I don’t take myself seriously, it gets easier 😊

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      1. 😊😊😊 why wait til the weekend? It’s foggy here but it’s still gorgeous – I’ve got air in my lungs and the world at my fingertips!!!! And your friendship! After squandering so many years telling myself to hate my life, a soft blanket can be my greatest joy, ya know? My kids were tough this morning – Super grumpy. I realize that I have a lot of work to do, you know? I can’t let them believe the crap I’ve been eating for too long haha

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      2. I’m telling you, the best meditation I can do is in the joy of dancing or grinning in my car thriving on the beauty of music. Yesterday I said to myself “how can I be unhappy when I live at a time when this masterpiece can be created?!” Every song sings that to me 😊

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      3. Hahahaha I tell you this – you cannot tel me anything I’d raise my eyes at. The best people in the world are the ones that say “I’m sorry if this sounds crazy” and I stop then there and say “don’t apologize for being you. Please.”

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      1. Go to sleep!!! Funny you say that though, I am exhausted. I thought I slept well last night, but I actually just told myself I should go take a nap. I stumbled on a website that has everything I was trying to understand and I can’t stop reading. Did you ever wish you had a remote for your mind? Pause and mute perhaps??

        ❤️❤️ I hope you’re okay though. Good busy?

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      2. Sort of good busy. Gimme two days and I will blah blah my mouth off. Yay. We are twins so we will feel the same emotions. What is the web you chanced upon. I want a remote for my mind yes, but we love our minds, don’t we. They are unique , you rest yourself good. Bye baby girl.

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      3. It is lonerwolf.com – I forget how I found them, but I had gotten an email today that I needed, if that makes sense. From there, I finally remembered everything I forgot.

        I understand everything you’re saying yes. And yes – I love this mind, just need to get disciplined. I’m far too…unbalanced, I believe.

        I’m going to take a nap. Must be a good energized mommy for the babes.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Yawn , will see what lonerwolf.got. You are doing good my girl, not unbalanced at all, I found my balance after finding you , yeah, you nap yourself , I will lull myself to sleep 😴, sweet dreams to you. Bye. I Am getting maudlin jeeeeeez

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