From My Mouth

I have a really bad habit of getting involved with strange people.  For a period of time, I was friends with a woman who seemed to be unhappy unless she was preaching from a soapbox.  For whatever reason, I have this inability to disengage from people who drive me crazy.  I think it’s my tendency to blame myself for everything.

Anyway, one day on Facebook I posted this:

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I did it for the highly criminal reason of thinking it was funny.  She proceeded to blow me up on Facebook Messenger for being completely insensitive to people with Celiac’s Disease.

“…It’s not like people choose to have this disease. I thought you were better than this.”

Me: “Dude, I’m sorry, but do you realize it’s like 78 degrees and sunny outside, and you are arguing with me about a picture of Skeletor? Do you honestly think this was some sort of stance against GI disease?”

Her: “Do you realize ___ has Celiac’s? Are you mocking her?”

Me: “Do you seriously think Skeletor is a harbinger of my distaste for dietary restrictions? Dude, seriously, go for a walk, play with your kid, do anything besides wasting my time with your bullshit.”

Her: blah blah blah blah

Me: “I’m not discussing this any further, you seriously need to get a life.”

Her: “You need to get a clue”

With that, she unfriended me on Facebook.

Skeletor…destructor of dysfunctional friendships.

I know most people celebrate today as a pot holiday, but it is also Adolf Hitler’s birthday.  Just remember that, as you wish one another Happy Holidaze.  Like Skeletor, Hitler had GI problems.  He was extremely flatulent and was in chronic pain – likely something akin to IBS.  He also had one testicle.  Just some random Hitler trivia for you.

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Lastly, my youngest was desperately concerned about getting to school on time as he had a field trip.  For 20 minutes, I was berated with time checks.  Finally, at a red light, I turned around and looked my 5 year old in the face and said, with all of the loving motherly instinct I could:

“Child, the best part of my day is kicking you out of my car.  I wouldn’t be late if my life depended on it.”

He also was arguing with me about his green beans for dinner last night.  I kindly told him, “look, you have two choices, you can either shut your mouth and eat your green beans happily, or I can throw every piece of Easter Candy you have in the trash, and then you can eat your green beans in misery and squalor.”

…I am not a good mom, I am a great mom.

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14 thoughts on “From My Mouth

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    1. What rock have you lived under my love? hahahahahahaha omg that’s awesome.

      As a stoner/high school student, i remember me and my fellow stoners at teh grocery store we worked out would slip out and get high in the parking lot on our breaks. On 420, we all got especially wrecked. All the baggers’ eyes were blood red, as I’m struggling to count, and we’re all grabbing mac and cheese from the deli , laughing our asses off and wishing everyone happy holidays…

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Hahaha oh shit this is funny! Ppl are SUCH assholes half the time. Kudos to being a grrreat mom, I did the same with mine. Works a treat! 😂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. 🙂 hahahaha sometimes you just have to point and laugh, right? It is seriously the best when you have means of lording behavior incentives over their head. Let’s be honest, we all shoot ourselves in the foot as we steal their candy until it’s all gone ;P

      Like

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