Good morning! It’s 4:24 AM, and I’ve been up for almost an hour. I went to bed at 1.
I have typed and retyped something about 50 times. My mind argues with everything I do or don’t do.
Imagery of my brain ‘s current functionality:
So, everything is essentially both at the same time. I am so exhausted I can not think, but I finally gave up shimmying in my bed around 4. I’m starving, but the sight or smell of food makes me nauseous. Everything makes me nauseous. Nausea makes me nauseous. Not being nauseous makes me nauseous.
I am so wired. I said I feel like I snorted an 8 ball, adderall, then chased it with a PSL and called myself a basic bipolar bitch. This is now my term, I am trademarking and copyrighting it. You can’t use my words. But I’m pretty sure every muscle in my body is so tense, you could hurt yourself trying to massage me.
Naturally, this morning found me vomiting in my bathroom sink because I made the mistake of washing my hands. While my head was in the sink, a random fortune caught my eye. I have no idea why this was on my sink, but standing there at 4 AM twitching and dry heaving, it was a nice reminder that all is well.