Requiem

The fire you lit in me Grows colder in your absence I swear I’m better off now, but there’s that part in me that feels suffocated in silence. Your silence. Your is an empty pronoun that could easily be their, because half the time I don’t know who you are except that you’re gone and...

Brain Dump babbling

I've been having these stomach aches lately - can't tell if it's anxiety or what, but I just have this overwhelming sense of doom. I'm not sure what's behind it, but it's dread and doom. Like bad shit is coming. Sometimes, I seem to have strong inklings of things and other times, I'm being led...

Brain dump babble

Okay, I have about 30 minutes to write before I have to jet off to appointments and whatnot. This is the first time I've been alone in awhile. I don't have much in the way of profundity, but I had an awesome morning in the car with the kids. They were blasting Shinedown and we...

Possessed Noun

I’m feeling less like a pronoun and more like a possessed noun. Though my name has two syllables, I find the constant is less my consonants and vowels and more apostrophe s’s. ‘S Mom/wife/daughter whatever. These hats that I wear so much I forget how to take them off. I know it’s a bad day...

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Trying to figure out how to channel anxiety into something other than creating more anxiety. I could try tossing cliches at it... "If everything is a priority, nothing is" "gratitude is the best attitude" "what you pay attention to is what you attract" "calm thy tits" Last one helped. It's always the funny stuff that...

Learning to listen

Do you know the story of Abraham almost sacrificing his son because he was told to? I've been thinking about that lately. Like, what if he was schizophrenic? What if the bible is a lot of mentally ill people doing things that we call mentally ill? That's a weird start, but that's where I'm starting....

Weeds don’t get better til you pull them

From the garden today Weeds don’t get better til you pull them. I see my house and my garden as metaphors for my head. It feels good to clean them out, but I definitely wonder if I spend to much time at home in the first place. It’s often easier to start before you think...

Wagging the Black Dog

Did you know shaking your body quickly and intensely - kind of like a dog shakes - is a quick way to reset your system and lessen anxiety? I learned it from one of my doctors, and it actually works really well. I just get so anxious I forget how to deal with anxiety. I...

What if?

Nothing ruins a perfectly good day like "what if?". What if...? What if...? What if today, I didn't let it? What if today, I tried to take a deep breath instead of reacting? What if today, I remember how much power my thoughts truly have and choose accordingly? What if I'm a radio, and my...

On Gods and Grandma’s

Some days, we're ruled by the head, and some days, it's all the heart. Other days, though, I think there's some special place where the two dance together. It only happens when I a) don't try to make it happen, and b) don't think about it. It's like Fight Club, except you sound crazier than...