From Am I? to I Am

“You are an aperture through which the universe is looking at and exploring itself.” ― Alan W. Watts I'm back on a TOOL kick, and it's massaging the brain again.  Listening to Forty Six & 2, I finally had the aha I've been missing, or at least I forgot I knew.  Or maybe I just... Continue Reading →

What If I Am Wrong? (Part 1 of 3) What If I Am Wrong (Part 2 of 3) I take medication to keep me stable, but worry that I am hurting myself more than helping.  I meditate and write to heal, but worry that I am proliferating my own madness.  I try to be an... Continue Reading →

What If I Am Wrong? (Part 1 of 3)

(Splitting this long post into 3, because I hate ridiculously long blog posts...) Those five words echo hauntingly in my mind.  There is a part of me that wonders what I would be able to accomplish if I did not second guess myself constantly.  I read not that long ago that people born under a... Continue Reading →

One Mom’s Itchy Butt #6

The first time these words began clamoring in my ear were on a Friday night.  I had planned a great family night - we were going to order a bunch of pizza and rock out to Leo Moracchioli on YouTube.  It was going to be good quality time, the kids were going to love it,... Continue Reading →

Wrong Side of Heaven

When I was young, two seeds were planted in my mind.  The first and strongest was, "I can do anything, if I set my mind to it."  The second was, "I am crazy."  My nature is stubborn and combative, so my life was dedicated to proving everyone wrong while making everyone proud of me.  I... Continue Reading →

One Mom’s Itchy Butt #4

There was a time that I wanted to be a "perfect" mom.  I structured my existence around watching everyone else and attempting to one-up them.  Perfectionism and motherhood aren't great bed-buddies, yet most moms I know confess they are absolute perfectionists. Everything about me relied upon someone else's feedback/approval.  I spent my life as a... Continue Reading →

Loving Kindness for Healing

Every week, I've been setting areas of focus for myself, because I have a tendency to take on everything or nothing.  Read: I believe I can completely overhaul my entire existence, exhaust myself into existential crisis, collapse. In everything, I have to maintain balance.  I read somewhere about weight loss, "You did not gain all... Continue Reading →

Do You Believe in Magic…?

That damn song has been stuck in my head all day.  Following up on Finding Center and Book Club!  I'm almost done The Universe Has Your Back.  I am also doing the daily work of "Miracles May Happen" I actually am staying on Day 3, because it's been very difficult for me, and it's providing me a lot... Continue Reading →

Why I Write

I promised the handsome one in the middle that I would be the best Mommy in the world. I promised the princess on the left that she could do anything she wanted or dreamed, as long as she believed in herself. I promised the cute little jester on the right that no matter what, I... Continue Reading →

…Or Maybe?

Black and white thinking has always been the bane of my existence.  Ascribe it to whatever alphabet soup you'd like, but it's been problematic for me as long as I've been able to cognitively recognize words in my brain.  It's not so much that I am so black and white, but I catastrophize (Is that... Continue Reading →

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