Bipolar Bicyle Blues

Hell is standing still One foot futures The other one past The mind a whirling dervish The heart gets whipped and lashed   The words always end with nots and enoughs And failure is my oldest friend   You’d think I’d have learned to embrace it It’s all so common it’s a copy and paste... Continue Reading →

On Dirty Counters and Anxiety – How to lose your shit over dumb shit (with style)

I had a panic attack last night because the counters were dirty. There I was shaking, heart trying to climb out of my chest ala Alien, and my brain running away in storyland. Because the counters were dirty. Initially, because I’m human, I was pissed. Like, “this? This is the hill we’re dying on today?... Continue Reading →

Happy Depression Day!

Today is Mental Health Day. It would be swell if I got to deal with my mental health once a year. For me, and anyone else who struggles, every day is mental health day. Often “good” days can be tainted with a sense of wondering when the shit will hit the fan. The “bad” days... Continue Reading →

Experiencing Anxiety

This 💯 OCD is an anxiety disorder, and it is a chicken or the egg situation. Is anxiety making the OCD worse? Or is OCD making the anxiety worse? Combine this with mixed states in bipolar - where the person is both depressed and manic at the same time, it is akin to feeling like... Continue Reading →

Touched by Fire

I’ve been reading Touched by Fire. It’s a study on mood disorders - particularly bipolar - and artists. It’s so fascinating but also eating me up a bit. Reading the facts about Poe, Van Gogh, Woolfe, Tenneyson, Lord Byron...on and on...it’s cathartic to feel not alone and certainly in good company, and depressing to read... Continue Reading →

When not enough was just right

It always starts and ends the same. Not enough. I am not enough. It is not enough. That was not enough. It was never enough to gain the one thing I wanted, but could never quite attain. Approval, maybe. Acceptance, perhaps? Love, for sure. But, I think maybe the calming hush of everything just being... Continue Reading →

Hell is where the heart is

Talking about rape, abortion, adoptions - also the last 20 years of my life. Don't read it if you don't want to read about yucky stuff. Go anywhere else on my blog, there's plenty.

A new way to bleed

Editor’s note: While I will make every attempt to make my writing funny and approachable, please know my content is not for everyone. I am talking about dark, painful issues that you may have no experience with. You may have experience with them, and not want to relive them. I am talking about various forms... Continue Reading →

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