Brain Dump babbling

I've been having these stomach aches lately - can't tell if it's anxiety or what, but I just have this overwhelming sense of doom. I'm not sure what's behind it, but it's dread and doom. Like bad shit is coming. Sometimes, I seem to have strong inklings of things and other times, I'm being led... Continue Reading →

Possessed Noun

I’m feeling less like a pronoun and more like a possessed noun. Though my name has two syllables, I find the constant is less my consonants and vowels and more apostrophe s’s. ‘S Mom/wife/daughter whatever. These hats that I wear so much I forget how to take them off. I know it’s a bad day... Continue Reading →

Trying to figure out how to channel anxiety into something other than creating more anxiety. I could try tossing cliches at it... "If everything is a priority, nothing is" "gratitude is the best attitude" "what you pay attention to is what you attract" "calm thy tits" Last one helped. It's always the funny stuff that... Continue Reading →

Learning to listen

Do you know the story of Abraham almost sacrificing his son because he was told to? I've been thinking about that lately. Like, what if he was schizophrenic? What if the bible is a lot of mentally ill people doing things that we call mentally ill? That's a weird start, but that's where I'm starting.... Continue Reading →

Wagging the Black Dog

Did you know shaking your body quickly and intensely - kind of like a dog shakes - is a quick way to reset your system and lessen anxiety? I learned it from one of my doctors, and it actually works really well. I just get so anxious I forget how to deal with anxiety. I... Continue Reading →

Overanalyzing Children’s Cinema

Sometimes, it's as if my heart becomes a fist that squeezes and slams around my chest. This fist gets labelled as anxiety, and then I breathe and do other things to alleviate it. It never goes away completely, it just gets a little better. That makes me think I need to do more, and I... Continue Reading →

Sterilize

Sterilize Sterile smiles, virile lies I’m getting better, my soul has died It is an illness It is insane It is my heaven It is my grave They say it’s catching Like I’m a cough They say I’m crazy I say, so what? Starry eyes, eerie cries Into the heavens I have soared I’ve danced... Continue Reading →

The past is chaos, confusion, anxiety, depression. The future is the same. Right now, there’s two feet here. Right here, there’s one breath now. And as long as I remain, I cannot create a solution to find a problem, or a problem to find me.

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