You are not the problem. You are experiencing a problem.

The hardest part about depression is realizing you’re depressed. We all use words to deceive ourselves. It’s not depression, I’m not depressed I’m just like … miserable and I don’t know why. I just know it’s my fault. I’m not depressed, I’m just really tired and cranky. I’m not depressed, I just generally don’t want...

The Joy of Unbecoming

When we were born We were born to die The wailing of our first breath Implies the weeping of the last   Then we start becoming We must become someone Someone becomes a daughter Someone becomes a son Someone became something That something is a mask   The mask becomes the mission Mis’ry becomes like...

Who wrote your dictionary? Full post

Y'all haven't watched enough Jurassic Park, and it shows. What did we learn? Can man control life? Can man play god? What happens when man plays god? If we make a quick swap between dinos and viruses, I'm feeling like my weird low-key obsession with Michael Crichton and Jeff Goldblum is coming in pretty damn...

That’s…So…Deep, bruh

What if everything I am is a culmination of the hopes, fears, dreams, wishes, nightmares, success, and failure of everyone who came before me? If I can believe that, then how many of my desires, aspirations, hopes, wishes are mine or someone who came before me? How many of my fears, worries, limitations, and so...

Thoughts on Trauma

The most difficult part of trauma is that most people don't like to use the word trauma. There is a misunderstanding that trauma is "so bad". If you had a bruise, it's skin trauma. All of us have had a bruise, so all of us have had some kind of skin trauma. To others, skin trauma means something "really bad" like someone shaved off your face and wore it. Not all of us have had our faces removed, but we have all had trauma. And we need to talk about it - because trauma can only be healed by being processed

Creating Something from Nothing

Woke up at 4:30. Actually more like 4 but I was meditating and vibing with the universe type deal before I got out of bed. I made coffee, did my thing, came in and wrote in my book for a little bit.   The book is called Ayam. An important part of creating something from...

No, Seriously, Suicide is Not Selfish

Unsurprisingly, lots of opinions, theories, and soapboxes have come out in the wake of Chris Cornell's suicide.  When Robin Williams committed suicide, I wrote a long piece attempting to remove ignorant peoples' heads from their asses, so I guess I should write again... Suicide is not selfish It must be nice to exist in a...

Life Imitates Art

Have you seen the whole "Shakespeare wrote King Lear while quarantined thing"? It's like an earworm for me.   It's not like I'm even wasting my time (on the surface). I'm spending a lot of it with the kids, books I've been meaning to read, journaling I've been meaning to do, introspection I've been avoiding,...

“When you break fart, you do not say, at 9:00, I break fart. It just happens of itself” -Zen saying

There was a time when all of this made sense, but it was terrifying. It was so terrifying, I lost my grasp on reality. Did I lose my mind? If anything, maybe I overused my mind or I lost control of my mind. The problem is, I’m not sure if I’m referring to then, now,...

leather-bound journal

I had this thought, along the realms of... "who would I be if I wasn't so scared to be myself?" Even though I feel like I'm being more like me, I know that the person who exists inside my journal or talks to me nonstop all day inside my head is nothing like the one...