Dear ____, (#3)

Dear ____, Most days I do not know what I wish for most – that I never met you, or that I could steal my heart back from the icicles you call fingers.  Your smile melted me into a pool of yes, despite my brain screaming no.  For all the lies I have told myself,... Continue Reading →

Dear _____, (#2)

Dear ____, I lit some incense last night, and I thought of you. I remembered how, in our early days, we would go shopping for incense and candles together.  At the time, it did not seem like anything interesting or special.  It was just something we had in common.  How many times did we snuggle... Continue Reading →

Dear ____, (#1)

Dear ____, I hope you do not mind my letter, but I thought it was important to send.  I heard a song that made me think of you.  Well, you told me about the song, so it always makes me think about you.  Sometimes, I wonder if I will ever hear music and not think... Continue Reading →

What If I Am Wrong? (Part 1 of 3) What If I Am Wrong (Part 2 of 3) I take medication to keep me stable, but worry that I am hurting myself more than helping.  I meditate and write to heal, but worry that I am proliferating my own madness.  I try to be an... Continue Reading →

What If I’m Wrong (Part 2 of 3)

What If I Am Wrong? (Part 1 of 3) Prior to the hospital, I was convinced that I was supposed to write and help others.  I was convinced that if I wrote, everything would be fine.  Then, I got convinced my ex was talking to me through music.  I got convinced my phone was hacked... Continue Reading →

What If I Am Wrong? (Part 1 of 3)

(Splitting this long post into 3, because I hate ridiculously long blog posts...) Those five words echo hauntingly in my mind.  There is a part of me that wonders what I would be able to accomplish if I did not second guess myself constantly.  I read not that long ago that people born under a... Continue Reading →

One Mom’s Itchy Butt #8

Hip Opening exercises are amazing for releasing emotion.  What is not amazing is dealing with the emotions that arise, if you've spent years disconnecting from or repressing them.  I realized my bad mood yesterday was the first wave of the emotional surge.  I was expecting sadness, but I was trying to keep everything open, and just... Continue Reading →

Enligh-tainment – Coheed & Cambria

Starting another focus on the blog.  In addition to being a crazy mom, I'm also a crazy music junkie, spirit junkie, and chocolate junkie.  In these posts, I'm going to focus on music/movies/TV shows that have helped me venture further within, connect with myself/soul, and grow as a person - emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually.  My... Continue Reading →

Wrong Side of Heaven

When I was young, two seeds were planted in my mind.  The first and strongest was, "I can do anything, if I set my mind to it."  The second was, "I am crazy."  My nature is stubborn and combative, so my life was dedicated to proving everyone wrong while making everyone proud of me.  I... Continue Reading →

One Mom’s Itchy Butt #4

There was a time that I wanted to be a "perfect" mom.  I structured my existence around watching everyone else and attempting to one-up them.  Perfectionism and motherhood aren't great bed-buddies, yet most moms I know confess they are absolute perfectionists. Everything about me relied upon someone else's feedback/approval.  I spent my life as a... Continue Reading →

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