Sometimes, it's as if my heart becomes a fist that squeezes and slams around my chest. This fist gets labelled as anxiety, and then I breathe and do other things to alleviate it. It never goes away completely, it just gets a little better. That makes me think I need to do more, and I... Continue Reading →
What is up everybody? Anything new, exciting, or interesting? The day is just beginning here. The sun is peeking out over the mountains, shining directly into my eyes, making it an act of blind will to type. My cat is grandiosely showing me his asshole, like I'm supposed to give him a ribbon for world's... Continue Reading →
The hardest part about depression is realizing you’re depressed. We all use words to deceive ourselves. It’s not depression, I’m not depressed I’m just like … miserable and I don’t know why. I just know it’s my fault. I’m not depressed, I’m just really tired and cranky. I’m not depressed, I just generally don’t want... Continue Reading →
Sterilize Sterile smiles, virile lies I’m getting better, my soul has died It is an illness It is insane It is my heaven It is my grave They say it’s catching Like I’m a cough They say I’m crazy I say, so what? Starry eyes, eerie cries Into the heavens I have soared I’ve danced... Continue Reading →
I’ve been in a funk lately. There was 0 creativity, 0 writing (except for endless pages of journals) and 100% feeling stuck, disconnected, uninspired. I’ve been thinking about how happy I was writing years ago and how…not happy that it’s been for years and years. I’ve been wondering if I’m just…a facade. This fake, hollow,... Continue Reading →
The past is chaos, confusion, anxiety, depression. The future is the same. Right now, there’s two feet here. Right here, there’s one breath now. And as long as I remain, I cannot create a solution to find a problem, or a problem to find me.
Cool things have been happening. One, I started writing a poetry book with the kids. Inspired by Dr. Seuss & Shel Silverstein. The kids are illustrating it and my daughter's even adding her own poems. Two, I've been writing a lot in general. Three, I feel good about myself. Not like sniffing my armpits and... Continue Reading →
It’s hard to comprehend that it’s only been a year - it seems so long ago and yesterday. I read somewhere how time means nothing with love. I grew up in PA, became me in PA...yet as soon as I came here, I knew what home meant. I remember being on my porch recording this.... Continue Reading →
When I started losing my mind - I mean really losing it - I learned the term Dark Night of the Soul. It helped me feel less lost. It helped me see that destruction comes before creation. Or that sometimes you do need to burn it all down to get to the new. I don’t... Continue Reading →
