Home

Home is a word with a heavy connotation. If it were just a place, it'd be easier to describe. Ever since moving out here, home hasn't felt quite right. It's just heavy. We said so many goodbyes, and with a pandemic combined with social anxiety and plain old anxiety creating a near agoraphobic state (deep... Continue Reading →

Limerance, doilies on turds, and other words

Anxiety is running a hamster ball in hell. As everything outside burns, the ball is slowly being filled with water. Like drowning while you're being burned alive. Depression is a riptide. The harder you try to reach the shore, the further you get pulled away. ADHD is feeling like Elle Woods as a Playboy Bunny... Continue Reading →

Requiem

The fire you lit in me Grows colder in your absence I swear I’m better off now, but there’s that part in me that feels suffocated in silence. Your silence. Your is an empty pronoun that could easily be their, because half the time I don’t know who you are except that you’re gone and... Continue Reading →

Brain Dump babbling

I've been having these stomach aches lately - can't tell if it's anxiety or what, but I just have this overwhelming sense of doom. I'm not sure what's behind it, but it's dread and doom. Like bad shit is coming. Sometimes, I seem to have strong inklings of things and other times, I'm being led... Continue Reading →

Brain dump babble

Okay, I have about 30 minutes to write before I have to jet off to appointments and whatnot. This is the first time I've been alone in awhile. I don't have much in the way of profundity, but I had an awesome morning in the car with the kids. They were blasting Shinedown and we... Continue Reading →

Possessed Noun

I’m feeling less like a pronoun and more like a possessed noun. Though my name has two syllables, I find the constant is less my consonants and vowels and more apostrophe s’s. ‘S Mom/wife/daughter whatever. These hats that I wear so much I forget how to take them off. I know it’s a bad day... Continue Reading →

Trying to figure out how to channel anxiety into something other than creating more anxiety. I could try tossing cliches at it... "If everything is a priority, nothing is" "gratitude is the best attitude" "what you pay attention to is what you attract" "calm thy tits" Last one helped. It's always the funny stuff that... Continue Reading →

Learning to listen

Do you know the story of Abraham almost sacrificing his son because he was told to? I've been thinking about that lately. Like, what if he was schizophrenic? What if the bible is a lot of mentally ill people doing things that we call mentally ill? That's a weird start, but that's where I'm starting.... Continue Reading →

Wagging the Black Dog

Did you know shaking your body quickly and intensely - kind of like a dog shakes - is a quick way to reset your system and lessen anxiety? I learned it from one of my doctors, and it actually works really well. I just get so anxious I forget how to deal with anxiety. I... Continue Reading →

What if?

Nothing ruins a perfectly good day like "what if?". What if...? What if...? What if today, I didn't let it? What if today, I tried to take a deep breath instead of reacting? What if today, I remember how much power my thoughts truly have and choose accordingly? What if I'm a radio, and my... Continue Reading →

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