You are not the problem. You are experiencing a problem.

The hardest part about depression is realizing you’re depressed. We all use words to deceive ourselves. It’s not depression, I’m not depressed I’m just like … miserable and I don’t know why. I just know it’s my fault. I’m not depressed, I’m just really tired and cranky. I’m not depressed, I just generally don’t want...

Sterilize

Sterilize Sterile smiles, virile lies I’m getting better, my soul has died It is an illness It is insane It is my heaven It is my grave They say it’s catching Like I’m a cough They say I’m crazy I say, so what? Starry eyes, eerie cries Into the heavens I have soared I’ve danced...

Silly Monkeys…

"A monkey took a fish from the river and placed him in a tree. As the fish was gasping for breath and dying, the monkey cheerfully said, "There now! all better! I've saved you from drowning. You're welcome." I keep seeing this thing posted that I'm supposed to pick 1 of my friends and family...

Who wrote your dictionary? Full post

Y'all haven't watched enough Jurassic Park, and it shows. What did we learn? Can man control life? Can man play god? What happens when man plays god? If we make a quick swap between dinos and viruses, I'm feeling like my weird low-key obsession with Michael Crichton and Jeff Goldblum is coming in pretty damn...

Coping and Covid – Mental Health is just as important as washing hands

Just thinking out thumbs here: -As social distancing and isolation become a preventative measure, depression and anxiety will follow. -As social creatures, we need human interaction for our mental health. Those predisposed to depression tend to seek out isolation to deal with their mental torment. Isolation helps depression distort the mind. -Depression tells you everyone...

Thoughts on Trauma

The most difficult part of trauma is that most people don't like to use the word trauma. There is a misunderstanding that trauma is "so bad". If you had a bruise, it's skin trauma. All of us have had a bruise, so all of us have had some kind of skin trauma. To others, skin trauma means something "really bad" like someone shaved off your face and wore it. Not all of us have had our faces removed, but we have all had trauma. And we need to talk about it - because trauma can only be healed by being processed

“When you break fart, you do not say, at 9:00, I break fart. It just happens of itself” -Zen saying

There was a time when all of this made sense, but it was terrifying. It was so terrifying, I lost my grasp on reality. Did I lose my mind? If anything, maybe I overused my mind or I lost control of my mind. The problem is, I’m not sure if I’m referring to then, now,...

The Purpose of Pain

5 years ago, 2 people fought and 5 lives imploded. Countless others were hurt in the fallout. 4 years ago, I was continuing to be a functional alcoholic, self harming and taking out all my pain by starving myself and living on beer, a slice of ham and multivitamins. 3 years ago, I left the...

Brevity is the soul of wit

Well, I'm working through a lot of stuff right now because there are a lot of milestones/triggers/memories, whatever in this timeframe. From August to January, every year, I am most likely to go insane or start hurting myself in some manner. Whether it's picking up old habits or inventing new ones, I struggle up or...

On Dirty Counters and Anxiety – How to lose your shit over dumb shit (with style)

I had a panic attack last night because the counters were dirty. There I was shaking, heart trying to climb out of my chest ala Alien, and my brain running away in storyland. Because the counters were dirty. Initially, because I’m human, I was pissed. Like, “this? This is the hill we’re dying on today?...