I lose myself

yaskhan

I lose myself ...among wildflowers..
I mind-cut through the rust of mundane thoughts...
resuscitating words and laying them out in the radiance
of the sun.

the sun seeps gold
through my hair....awakening
slumberous reflections..

words shape themselves...cutting through the miasma..
my gut goes candid..I retreat into where I bleed alone..
holding on tightly to the unwavering companionship of
my fervor..

an organic wind
carries syllables to me..
I play my pen

a quill haloed by mentors of destiny..destiny slams its 
door..like a zealot with the devil in his eyes.


words course through the 
virgin of my sternere..
I have come home...





#haibun

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15 thoughts on “I lose myself”

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      4. It’s funny my tarot told me this was going to happen and told me when to knock it off. I think I let doubt tell me that I shouldn’t write and I listen til I think I’m going to claw my brain out with my own fingers because I can’t take the chatter.

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      5. Never doubt yourself, sweetie. You write and you do it fabulously. Your brain is your own too and so is your heart. Listen to your instinct. Where the hell is doubt ? I am going to throw the hell out of your system. You are my lioness. So!!!

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      6. I think it’s turning everything upside down for me. I usually have plans, goals, etc. I’m currently just adrift. Not necessarily bad, just really trying to flow. Plan less, think less, move when I feel I need, push when I feel I need. It’s 34 years of programming to ignore tho.

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      7. I think you should just let go. It’s stressing you out. Just take it as it comes. Reprogramme you. To suit your mind. To suit your essence your soul. You get a hold on yourself. You are your own mistress. And I am here. Let’s thrash it out.

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      8. ❤️❤️ I spoke to a mystic over the weekend who said same to me. She said that I’ve built so many walls that finding me is like digging through an overstuffed closet and the real me is at the bottom buried. She said I have to let go and surrender or the stop and start cycles will never end. My tarot told me to stop licking my wounds lol.

        I started listening to these Alan watts talks – with like trance music in the background https://youtu.be/-VYnfnBCVQU

        Try this you might like it too.

        I like how he says you don’t have to tell your body to grow hair or breathe. So too is your life.

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      9. I can feel you dear girl. I don’t know your mystic. But I can feel your heart and it’s in the right place. I can pick up where we left off, you are that easy to get along. You are here with me as I write. You are whole , there is no bottom. You are flesh and blood and I can almost touch you across the cosmos.
        Maybe you just have to let go of what’s bothering you. That is what I do, totally disconnect. Even though it hurts like the prick of a needle. Your wounds are good, lick them , feel them. Nuture them. Only you can feel them. So you know , how badly it hurts.

        Yes, I will listen to this Allan guy, but I rather talk with you.

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      10. ❤️❤️ you are so kind Yassy. I don’t feel I deserve these words!! To me, I’m just a confused child in a land of a big kids playground. I want to get down the sliding board, but I’m stuck on the merry go round. I wrote in my journal
        That I lost my voice and I have to find it again. Later, I wrote that I need to embrace everything I fight the most. Just be. So that’s what I’m trying to do. Then I realize trying isn’t being, so I try less. Hahaha

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